failed and dead



Goal: $1000 income per month – achieved. I now have a stable 9 to 5 job and earn money in my own business as well, netting me around $1200 per month, possibly more.

Goal: Get drivers license – not achieved.

Goal: Get a girlfriend – on my way. Registered on a dating site and just messaged a ton of girls, went out with 3 and got one really interested. She is messaging me and invited me on Facebook. On the second date I got to touch her in sexual areas, but in the end I didn’t even give her a proper kiss due to being inexperienced. All throughout I was confident, funny and cocky. She liked it. From her messages it seems that she really liked my personality and wants to meet me again. Hopefully I will seal the deal next time. The girl is objectively about 6/10, but in my eyes she is 8/10. She will do for now as I find her sexually attractive, but in the long run I aim for higher quality women.

It is hard to date women when you have a full time job and have to visit the gym to maintain your aesthetics at least 2 times a week. Internet dating helps here although I have written about the problems of it before, but it is still very hard on guys who are not beautiful. I have had girls stop messaging me after they see more pics of my face from other angles. Obviously, it wasn’t my personality as they where interested before when the face was barely visible, but my nice body was in the center of the picture. An advise regarding the women you decide to meet – check if her pictures are self taken or from various life situations. If it is the latter, the chances are she looks the same as in her pics, if it is the former, she is probably a lot uglier in real life. I have to admit that some girls on the site do message me, but they are around 5/10 at best. And those that are higher usually lose interest after they see other photos. I myself only find girls of 7+ attractive. I wish I had lower standards, but you can’t order the body.

Been having lots of suicidal thoughts lately, not sure where this will lead, but one thing is for sure – I’m not killing myself before getting laid 😉

I’m 24 now. Still kissless, still a virgin. I think my looks and high standards are to blame after all. I could easily get a 5/10, but do I want to? No! I refuse to even date any woman less than 7/10. I simply can’t find anything lower than that attractive. And I know for a fact that once I’m seen with an ugly girl, everyone will automatically assume I am settling (which I would be) and can’t get any better. Yet, I’m facially around 5/10, therefore only girls in “my league” have been attracted to me so far. By the way, you can find out how beautiful you are by going through this test. The mask has to fit your face or you are ugly. It doesn’t fit my face, especially my nose, therefore I am ugly. No rocket science there!

Sure, I can dress up, swagger like an alpha, speak in a masculine voice, brandish my six pack abs and tower my height over the girls, be confident, get into fights and what not (been there, done that), but they will still see that 5/10 face of mine. They still know my genes are not perfect and a perfect woman will not settle for an inferior man, because she can always get better. I don’t say I need a perfect woman, but something close.

Whenever my mother says:”But you look good!” I answer “then why didn’t any of those 30 girls I chatted up go to a date with me?” This shuts her up for good, because it is a known fact that attractive males do get attention from girls. Look at Zyzz. He even admitted himself that he does not approach girls but stands in parties looking pretty and waiting them to approach him. My body is not far from Zyzz’s, but it doesn’t give me much.  Yes, I’ve got some attention at the beach, but that’s only 2 months in a year where I live . Unlike Australia in my country you can’t walk around shirtless all throughout the year.

So, here comes my 6 year plan into play. I designed this plan to maximize everything I can in my life and give me what I crave for so much – attraction from attractive opposite sex. Many will think I am crazy, but you haven’t been born with a retarded face, so you will NEVER understand how it feels for me. You are probably a normie, who can get rid of acne, get a fit body, a new haircut and look banging. Unfortunately, I am not that case and believe me – I’ve tried anything.

Anyway, to correct my face fully, I need to do the following:

– Get teeth straightened and jaw corrected via complicated surgery. Cost ~ $6000

– Get orbital ridge implant surgery under eyes to give my face a fuller look and fix the flat face from profile. Cost ~ $15000

– If going bald, and I might since my father is, get a hair transplant surgery. Cost ~ $10000

– Get a surgery to move my hairline lower, so my forehead doesn’t appear to be that big. Cost ~ $8000

– I might need rhinoplasty to enlarge my tiny nose. Cost ~ $10000

Total ~ $50000

Of course, I would get full 3D image to predict how my face would look after the surgeries. I would model my perfect face that would fit the aforementioned mask and then make 10 variations or so, posting each one on hotornot and several other sites for rating in order to see which one gets rated most. Only then I would go through with the actual surgeries.

So why 6 years?

Because once I hit 30 my body and looks will start deteriorating and going downhill. 30 years is the pinnacle of male beauty and development. If I achieve the perfect face by then, then the world will be my oyster.

So what will I be doing apart from trying to earn shitton of money for 6 years? Naturally, I will be using every chance I get to interact with the opposite sex and improve my flirting skills and charisma. I am not expecting to get laid or get a beautiful girlfriend, since I am ugly, but once I get my face fixed, the learned skills will aid me in banging all the hotties I’ve missed on for my 30 pathetic years.

If everything goes by the plan I should be wealthy, attractive and charismatic by 30, getting laid like crazy, being with beautiful women and being considered as “alpha”.

“What if something goes wrong and I disfigure myself in the process?” you might ask. I already have an answer in this post.

Virgins in da’ club

I’ve went downtown with my buddies about 3 times now. My buddies are all virgins, too, and want to improve their social life, so together we pick up women at clubs and on streets. Technically I have had most success from us 3, but it is still pretty pathetic. I’ve got a telephone number, danced and embraced girls. Once even I had a girl come with me. But I’m still a kissless virgin thus still a pathetic beta. I hate that the tall hot and drunk blondes that I somehow got my hands on a bit during the dancing didn’t respond to me. I thought this was what it is about – fucking drunk chicks. I guess not.

The going out so far seems unproductive really. I don’t have any approach anxiety what so ever and I don’t drink at all. I don’t have to. I can dance freely in the clubs, I can approach any girl. But it seems very hard to convert the approaches to something more than a quick chat, a number or kiss. It seems like they are just there to tempt the men and in the end say: “I am just hanging out with my girlfriends. I don’t want to meet guys.” I’ve gotten as far as embraced a girl, played with her, got her really close, but in the end she didn’t give me her number, because she somehow got the idea that I would want to fuck her and her friend. Her friend was ugly, so I didn’t talk much with her. I was interested only in the blond.

Anyway, cold approaching at night on street sucks. Yes, girls chat with you. Yes, they answer questions or “openers” and what not, but only one girl from all that I approached gave me her number. It seems I had more success when I approached girls in daytime. I realized I should smile often despite me having not perfectly straight teeth.

Another thing that drives me mad is the fact that there are plenty of average, plain guys with hot women. Women taller than them. It’s like they knew something I don’t.

Currently I have a girl willing to date me, but she is about 5-6/10 looks wise, also pretty poor and stupid, but that doesn’t matter. I guess I will go on her with a few dates to see if she puts out. I could at least lose my v-card, she is too plain looking to go out with her in public where other people would see me and would think I can’t find anything better. The fact that I most hate is that she is getting chubby and doesn’t exercise. I wouldn’t care if she is poor or even dresses badly, but if she gets more bodyfat than now, she gets booted out of my potential mating partners.

Regarding my goals. I’m still studying for the drivers test. I’m taking online test and still having mistakes. I won’t go take the real one until I can pass the online one 5 times with 0 mistakes.

Regarding money – working on building connections to get myself a good job. In the meantime applying for a sperm donor, will see if they accept me. It seems they will. Would net me in around 400$ a month. That’s half of the sum already. Also, reason why I don’t spend money on drinks. You can’t drink alcohol if you are a sperm donor. But it’s not like I need it in the first place. Waste of money.

This picture says a thousand words…today I was a victim of another “hot girl angle shot” dating profile. This was not the first time and will probably not be the last as well.

99% of girls on dating sites have something wrong with them. If not physically, then psychologically or in other ways. If they have one pic up, grayscale, showing a cute face only.- be weary, this might be another typical “fat girl angle shot”. However, if you don’t mind a girl who is chubby, this wouldn’t be so bad.

I’ve been to about 3 internet dates in total. First girl wasn’t fat but she was ugly. Yes, grayscale indeed makes you much more attractive. Another girl had a good face but she was slightly chubby. I kind of regret cutting contact with her since my standards where way too high back then and she had the potential to be shaped into a sweetheart from the ground up.

The third girl that I met recently was good looking in the pictures. She had 3 color pictures of her up on the profile which is a good sign. Getting her number wasn’t a problem since after  skimming over her profile I guessed what literature she prefers. I was 100% spot on! She is one of those new age type/hippy/vegan girls. “But to hell with it!” I thought. “She looks hot and that’s fine by me!” So I met her. Well, she wasn’t a complete disaster. If we ignore the hippy sense of fashion, smoking, a bit fucked up teeth, shortness…there is still the face. Dry chapped lips, low cheekbones, shitty chin – general unattractiveness. I walked around with her and her friend, who was equally plain and nerdy looking, and I felt disappointed again. I am not expecting a model, but at least learn about lip balm and general make-up application!

Currently another girl seems to be interested as well, but in the third mail she already mentioned she is a single parent. Damaged goods again. Probably was left by her jock boyfriend and now is looking for a beta nice guy to take care for her and her babby. Not happening, girl!

Then there are the hot girls who have tons of pics of them up on the profile along with hundreds of comments from pathetic men like me. These girls do not actually go on the internet dates. I believe they have a stable alpha boyfriend or a ton of fuckbuddies and just use the dating sites to get more attention. I message these, but it never works out naturally…

And then there are girls who actually don’t have a pic on them up. I haven’t tried dating one of these but from what I have read they usually have extreme self-esteem issues which are more or less based on the fact that they are either fat or ugly or both. The good side (?) is that they are clingy and have low standards, but I am not sure I would want to date such a person unless she was hot.

I still have 2 phones left from internet girls. One is a girl who likes to party, seems like the obvious extrovert, about 5-7 on the looks scale judging from the pics. Another one looked about 7, but then again: grayscale, angles, etc…I don’t even think it’s worth risking.

Also, I get an about 50% response rate to my letters. I try to be original and comment on something about their pictures/profile. My main pic is a good quality pic of me looking away from the camera, shirtless in slim jeans, looking serious. According to OKcupid statistics this type of a male profile gets the most response rate.  But that’s one thing, what really matters is the conversion or the said responses into dates.

Also, I message girls in the 6-10 range, judging by their profile pictures. I would think it would be fair to assume that in reality she is at least 1 point below.

Well, those are my thoughts on internet dating. Tell me in the comments what are your experiences with online dating, good or bad, doesn’t matter.

Suicide the alpha male way

Why people commit suicide? Because they are cowards? Because they are seeking a way out? I mean, sure suicide is the best way out if you are a paralyzed herb or live in constant pain, but what if you are just an unfortunate beta male ugly fuck that gets his emo moments from time to time? Let’s think about this logically for a minute…if you have really nothing to lose but your life, if you are at the lowest of low…just think of all the cool shit you can do! I’ll just list a few things from my head:

1. Sell everything and spend all your money on drugs, whores and orgies. Who cares if you get addicted and full of STD’s, you’re dying anyway.

2. Do something that you always wanted to do but was afraid because it would end you up in jail or worse. You are going to die, who cares what happens? I’m not going to post any examples, but use your imagination.

3. Sell everything and buy that car you always wanted and spaz the fuck out until you kill yourself in an accident.

By executing any of the above scenarios one will not only gain pleasure beyond wildest imaginations but as well become relatively famous/infamous, even if this fame is short lived. Obviously these methods are best used when one has reached a certain age, 70 years perhaps, but if you are really, really desperate for a way out, I think the above mentioned scenarios can be performed at any age.

What I will do once I get really old: Announce that the woman who I die having sex with will receive all my inheritance. Participants must be 18-28, starting from 8-10 on the 10 grade hotness scale. Isn’t there a more beautiful way of going out? Of course, everything will be recorded and later put on the internet or whatever media will be around in 60 years. I mean, if fucking young hot women as an old grumpy creep is not alpha, I don’t know what is. I suggest you guys do the same. But as for now, acquire that currency!

If you have any great (read: alpha) suicide ideas, feel free to post them in the comments.

Some fashion thoughts

So I was browsing through lookbook.nu today to find some inspiration for dress styles that would help me improve my overall persona. After all – impressions count and people make an impression based on your looks in the first few seconds. Take a look at the guy on the left. Somewhat daring, yet original and stylish combination. I’m tall, athletic, so technically I could wear something similar and pass as a cool hipster guy, right?

WRONG! You see, I believe the reason why that guy got hyped in the TOP is because he is attractive, simple as that. Imagine the same guy with a face of Gary Busey, would people still see him as stylish, cool and sexy or as a crazy, creepy dude?

My point is, do I really have to resort to classical grandpa clothing like the one to the right just because I don’t have a nice face? Is there a style that would look cool on an ugly person and make him sexier?  This is one thing that really grinds me gears and I have to find a way to somehow live through this – beautiful people can wear pretty much anything and they will still be considered attractive, cool and maybe even stylish. But if you are an uggo and fuck up – hello creeper zone!

I might be wrong about this, but somehow I have yet to see a really cool and stylish person who is also ugly.

Currently I’m dressing pretty safely yet in an elegant manner. Blazers, button down shirts, black pants or navy jeans and black shoes or sneakers. I’ve found that black is one of the best colors to go with my pale skin tone. My tip would be to always wear clothing that contrasts with your skin. For example, if you are dark skinned, lighter, pasty colors will look good but for a fair skinned person they will blend with the skin and it will look rather shit.